The longer and farther I ran, the more I realized that what I was often chasing was a state of mind—a place where worries that seemed monumental melted away, where the beauty and timelessness of the universe, of the present moment, came into sharp focus.

Many of you know that I enjoy running or walking almost anywhere. Over the past 30 years, I especially love being on the trails along the Bull Run in Clifton, VA. In 1993 the Virginia Happy Trails Running Club (VHTRC) organized and ran a 50-mile trail race along the Bull Run. I finished the first year, and the run became something I looked forward to each April. I finished the next 20 consecutive years, and thought I was headed for 25–30 finishes, but then life happened. I had kidney stones, a total hip replacement, pancreatic surgery, and then Covid cancelled the race. I always showed up at the start but did not always finish. Finally in 2022 I was set to get finish #25 but I tested positive for Covid the day before the race. After losing the best father-in-law ever to Covid, I could not expose volunteers or runners, so I did not start the race for the first time. As the 2023 race approached, I trained but new health challenges came up and I had surgery in January and March. Thankfully, in the end, my doctor, and my wife, approved me going to the start line and so I did on April 15.

I left a letter to Melanie the morning of the 2023 Bull Run Run (BRR): The BRR is part of what I do with you as my partner and supporter of the training and experience. I want to have tenacity today. I want to embrace the journey today. It will be hard. It will hurt. It will be a long day. It will rain. It will be warm, maybe even hot. But I will love being out in nature on the trails that I have run and shuffled and walked for over 32 years.

My alarm went off at 4:30 a.m. I loved up our kittens, and gathered my stuff, water, and coffee, and drove to Hemlock Overlook Park where the run would begin and end. At the check-in I was greeted by Derek and Jane who have been at the race for many years, and then I said hi to the race directors, Katie and Quatro. I got to see a few old timers, including Dave Janosko, one of two 25-time finishers (along with Frank Probst). Before you know it, I had on my number (#1 – thanks to the generosity of the real #1, Dave Janesko) and water belt, and 217 of us were off into the first daylight. As we settled into the woods and single-track trail, I was comfortable with my speed and how my legs felt. I remembered to just enjoy the woods and journey.

I tagged along with individuals and groups of runners, allowing their pace to pull me along. I didn’t want to work the pace myself. I met people from Frisco, CO, and Cleveland, OH, and a guy who only wanted to talk about the power of PB&J in an ultra. The trails were dry, and it was cloudy — nice.

As we approached the first aide station at mile 7, and Kevin Sayers (ultimate cheerleader and race director extraordinaire), my legs were tired but, in my head, I knew I had to keep up a strong shuffling pace for the next 5 miles which are the longest stretch of runnable miles. This is the section with beautiful bluebell wildflowers everywhere. A volunteer dressed in the VHTRC pink unicorn costume appeared like a mirage with donut holes, and I ate my first food of the run. How could I turn down a unicorn?

…the bottom line was solitude, serenity, simplicity, and spiritual nourishment…

Reaching the north end of the course is a good feeling, and I headed back toward Hemlock not looking at my time but just loving being in the woods and along the Bull Run. The views are beautiful and peaceful and remind me of the simplicity and spiritual nourishment one gets on a long run in the woods. I thought back to a 100 miler I did in the 80s when my father wrote 10 notes filled with wisdom and love for me to carry with the idea, I would open one every 10 miles. I did.

There is a serious but short climb up to the Hemlock aide station at mile 17.6, and this is where I chose to get out my phone to check in with Melanie and see the time. It is always a treat to call Melanie as she is very enthusiastic, and she gives me a strong push to keep moving.

We can always surprise ourselves whenever we just keep moving.

The aide stations at the BRR are fabulous. They offer water and Gatorade, and a plethora of snacks ranging from fruit to PB&J sandwiches to cookies to pretzels to chocolates and more. I started looking for salt at the Hemlock aide station as the sun came out, and it felt hot and humid, and I headed back down the hill to the Bull Run. I was alone on the trails, and I pushed as much as I could in this section with more gentle hills.

When I arrived at the Bull Run Marina aide station I was welcomed like a veteran, and I picked up a lot of positive energy for my “home section”. This section from the marina to Wolf Run Shoals (WRS) is where I come to train and get on hills, so I know this trail like I know the way to the grocery store. Although there are some bigger hills, I love this section that winds up and down away from the Bull Run.

…the bottom line was solitude, serenity, simplicity, and spiritual nourishment…

I was enjoying shuffling along in the woods, but unfortunately, I had now begun to think of my time and getting to the WRS aide station (26.1) in 6 hours. I made it! It was 12:30 p.m. At each aide station, I was filling two bottles – one with Gatorade and one with water. Staying hydrated is critical, and with health issues I have, it is everything. Usually, I eat more but I had recently read something about the energy taken to digest food, so I stayed away from my normal PB&J and cookies and really went after watermelon and honeydew. I did grab more salt on boiled potatoes.

As I headed down a hill I saw the leader to the race, James Blandford, coming toward me. I went wild! I love this guy and how he effortlessly races along the trails. Jim was at mile 40 and I was at 26 – yikes! I am old and slow. I went wild again because within 2-3 minutes after Jim, Leah Yingling, came. She was smiling and flying. Could we have our first woman win the race? How cool would that be? Jim hung on to win by eight minutes in 7 hours, 27 minutes (my fastest finish was in 1997 – 7 hours, 46 minutes).

From WRS, it was 2.8 miles to the Fountainhead aide station, and then there was the white loop, and the trail out to the Do Loop (4.1 miles), the infamous Do Loop (2.6), and back to Fountainhead (2.4). My brain is trained to think that the run is only to the next aide station as I never want to think of all 50 miles. This past week I drove from Herndon to Manassas to see my sister, and when I got home and looked at my odometer, it said 50 miles. I told Melanie there is no way I can run 50 miles, but it seems I can shuffle from one aide station to the next. Good lesson for life.

We can always surprise ourselves whenever we just keep moving.

These trails are varied – some are wide and do not have too many rocks or roots, while the white trail has lots of roots and some water crossings. I missed a turn near the beginning of the white trail but realized my mistake quickly and retraced my steps.

The Do Loop is up and down and rocky. In the early years of the BRR, the trail was very hard to find and follow. I remember looking for blazes on trees and still getting off course. The loop includes a memorial bench in honor of Ed Cappuccino, the VHTRC rambler with a silhouette of Gary Knipling, and a beautiful view of the Occoquan. Going into the Do Loop, the aide station offered popsicles. Oh my, how sweet that was on a warm day! It got up to 79 degrees around 1 p.m., and there was the first rumble of thunder.

Melanie, and our cousins, and friends were meeting me at Fountainhead (mile 37.9) on the return toward the finish line. I told Melanie I hoped to be there by 3 but instead it was 3:30. It was great to see everyone, and especially Melanie. I wanted her to walk with me, but she insisted that I get moving. She was all business, so I just took off. “Took off” is a bit of an exaggeration but I was moving.

I guess that was when I realized that I better try to pick up my pace. There is a hard cut-off time at the Bull Run Marina aide station. If you don’t get there by 6 p.m. they pull you off the course. I did well through the next aide station at Wolf Run Shoals where I refilled both bottles and ate some potatoes dipped in salt. The toes on my right foot started to hurt and I wondered what the blisters would look like. I was back on my “home section” and I just enjoyed being. The runners had really spread out, and I saw only a few in this section. For the first time I ever remember at the BRR, I caught myself walking when I should have been running. I laughed at myself and started shuffling.

Another runner I had recently passed caught up to me and asked if we were going to get a certified finish. I’m not sure where he was from, but I knew what he meant. Would we make the 13-hour time limit? I told him, “You just have to believe we will make it!” I love the little encounters with other runners – some are brief like this one, and some go on for miles before someone disappears into the woods either moving faster or slower.

Don’t blink, keep grinding and good things will happen.

As the final aide station approached (mile 44.5) at 5:15 p.m. (yep, we started almost 11 hours ago) I was excited to see Melanie, Glenn, Erin, Dawn, and Tom! And I was happy – I was 45 minutes ahead of the cut-off. The volunteers were super excited, supportive, and helpful. I loaded up two bottles, again, ate some fruit, and gave Melanie a kiss.

Off I went knowing that if I did not fall, I would get #25! I think most 50-mile runners’ trip and/or fall over rocks or roots. I had tripped several times today but always caught myself before hitting the ground. On a side note, the night after the race I woke up many times from a deep sleep falling in my dreams — crazy how the mind works!

I walked and shuffled on over some wooden boardwalks to keep our feet dry, through some soccer fields, and back into the woods. I spent some time with a runner who was doing his first 50. Now, it was time to reflect and give gratitude. How lucky I am to be able to do this. I had hoped to finish faster than 12:07 as my Mom (not a runner but a super fan) had told me one year that I could do it faster than the previous year, and I did it for her. I had a sweet little talk with her and my Dad as I passed another memorial bench for Ed and the final long climb approached.

It is the courage to continue that matters.

On the final climb toward the finish, I got out my phone and called Melanie to tell her, “Leapin’ lizards! We did it! We did it.” Only Melanie knows how much I wanted this and how I struggled to get to finish #25. I had begun to accept that 50 miles on trails might be out of reach. Melanie has been there for me every year, and she has put up with my training, and she has supported me and loved me through it all. How blessed I was to have spent the day in nature, and to fall into her arms at the finish line. #25! 12 hours 17 minutes and 29 seconds. Oldest finisher! How did that happen?

Next year is the 30th running of the Bull Run Run 50 Miler. What will I do? I could volunteer or maybe attempt one more BRR?

Many people ask why one would want to run 50 miles, and I say, the challenge or persistence required, the goal or the dream, being in nature, the spiritual peace, the quietness of the woods, and the community of runners and volunteers! I love just being a tiny grain of sand traveling on our beautiful Earth.

Equally important now, is that I’ve been able to adjust to advancing age and decreasing speed by finding joy in being with the trees and the clouds and the flowers and the peaks and the creeks and the rocks.

Notes

Reflecting on our ultrarunning community and why I love it.

The next morning, I got up earlier than I wanted to drive to Fountainhead to join some friends and VHTRC folks to honor Chris Scott. From the VHTRC FB page, “…some of the ‘old guard’ of the VHTRC gathered to celebrate Chris Scott’s memory, near the trailhead of the Bull Run Occoquan Trail at Fountainhead Regional Park. This was where Chris and a handful of his trail running friends, including Anstr Davidson and Joe Clapper, hatched the idea to create the Bull Run Run and, with it, the trail running club that would be needed to support it. The VHTRC was formed over the winter of 1992-1993 in order to put on the BRR 50 miler, and neither the club nor the race would have happened without the vision, energy and the determination of Chris Scott.”

Next, this is what I posted on VHTRC FB the day after the run

“Before all of you young people go back to work tomorrow, I want to say a HUGE thank you for taking care of me and all of the runners yesterday at BRR. The volunteers were kind and caring and helpful, and they had fresh fruit, popsicles, and ICE!!! I am thinking it might be time for me to stop running and volunteer next year. Please know we runners love our volunteers!!!! THANK YOU!!!! Take care!!!”

The Purple Shirt

Many have noticed that I have on the same purple t-shirt in races. Melanie gave me the purple t-shirt before the first Bull Run Run in 1993. At that time she painted, TILUM, PERSON, M1+M2, ILUF365, 26!, and some stars and hearts. I loved the shirt and I have worn it for all my marathons and ultras since then. Yes, Anstr, we do wash it.

I’m not sure how it started but along the way Melanie would add names – our grandkids, family and friends who have gone on who inspire me and more. In 2023, the purple t-shirt has: I’m Always With You! LUMO!, Peter Lux, Quinn Jaz, Windy, Violet Moon, Hieronymus Sol, “Guide My Feet”, Kiva, Franco, Leysha, Sam’s Son, Coyote Cat, Chris N, Danny Carboni, Jett, Boston Strong, MIMPY, MOM, Chris S, Khaki, Debbie Butler…