A Return to Ultrarunning

Holy Cowans Gap 50k
To fully capture my baptism at Holy Cowans I have to get a little personal.

It’s been a minute since I’ve been able to write a race report mainly because I had a lot going on. Between life stuff, sickness, injury, and kid stuff I just haven’t been able to do any ultras. The last time I finished an ultra was JFK in November of last year.

Monkey On My Back
Since Tony Taylor passed away I went to a scary place. I tried to be tough and just move on without really taking time to heal. His passing was so sudden, I didn’t know what else to do but just try to move forward as best I could while bottling up a lot of emotions and darkness I just couldn’t comprehend how to articulate everything so I just put on my happy mask and moved forward.

That Didn’t Work
It hit me almost immediately when I got to The Wild Oak Trail to attempt TWOT200. The void from Tony not being there was brutal and I totally fell apart. Not only did I DNF the race, I just lost a good part of myself out there as well. I struggled mightily to figure things out afterwards. I wanted to hold on to how things were when Tony and I were doing races and having fun but things were different. I found myself constantly getting sick and injured. My mind was just a mess.

I went to Florida for a week and stayed with my cousin doing some serious reflection and it helped a lot. Once I got back home I made it a priority to get right both mentally and physically and just went all in on becoming a better version of me. I started doing some shorter distance races and felt it was time to get back to VHTRC. I missed the club greatly but the association of a lot of people in it made me sad over Tony. We did so many VHTRC events together it was tough to come back, hell to even run on trails at all. I did a lot of road running just to totally avoid the thoughts and memories.

Why choose Cowans to come back?
Basically I got to the point I needed the VHTRC. I missed everyone so much and Cowans was the next race up. I also had never run Cowans before. I knew it was hard and probably a bad idea after coming off so much mental and physical anguish but that’s kind of who I am — to jump into something difficult!

Day Before the Race
I hung out with my Mom, brother and daughter and had a really nice time in downtown Culpeper at the farmers market (I also ate a lot of amazing food). I said my goodbyes to them and started the drive to Gettysburg PA to my boy, Don Knott’s place. I met Don at the Jarmans Invitational Marathon a few years back and hung out with him here and there.

We both like similar races and channel a lot of the same energy. We are both single Dads and know how hard balancing time for kids and doing adventures like this are. In Gettysburg we went to a few spots and paid homage to Abe Lincoln and fallen Civil war soldiers, and ate a lot of pizza. It was awesome.

Race Day
Got up at about 4 am. It was pretty smooth because I had all my gear laid out the night before. I think I passed out around 10 pm the night before, which is life changing sleep for me compared to during the week going to the gym and balancing work/ kid time. We headed out around 5:00. I had the task of getting ice for the race so we stopped at Sheetz close to the race. Stephanie Fonda gave a great location to pickup and the staff there was awesome. They got me a deal on the ice and took a coffee for me out to the car! Best Sheetz ever!

When Don and I got to Cowans Gap State park I was overwhelmed with happiness. The last time I participated at a VHTRC race was Elizabeth Furnace in March of last year. I missed everyone so much. I took pictures with everyone, gave high fives, and got silly. I needed this so much.

Gooooo!
Stephanie sent us on our way and I immediately went from that high of seeing my lost friends to oh, man, I haven’t run an ultra for a while! Last ultra I did was JFK in November last year and even on that one I was not well both physically and mentally. I’m in great shape but not ultra shape lingering injuries especially my hip started screaming at me almost immediately. I knew this was going to be an adventure today.

The craziest thing about race day was the weather. I could see my breath. It was pretty cold but I just wore a singlet/ shorts, which is what I’d be wearing all day. I figured once we hit the climbs it would warm me up.

The climbs didn’t bother me that bad or the technical cruddy rocky “PA Bullshit” but I struggled just running normal. I’m well aware those are the spots you need to hit hard to avoid chasing cutoffs but my goal was to just not stop long at aid stations or walk breaks unless climbing and just accept whatever pace I could do on the runnable sections. Ultra running becomes a lot harder when you can’t run well on the runnable sections. I’ve been in these spots before and it’s always tough.

I talked a lot to help nullify the ouchies early on and I was still feeling the high from seeing people I hadn’t seen in months.

Don kept getting texts from family relating to kids and other stuff and I totally sympathized with him. This sport is so tough on single parents. It’s how a lot of us help cope with things and it being disrupted is difficult. Even making all the time to do this stuff is stressful! I wished I could move faster but the guy was being a saint staying with me. Most would have bailed for sure.

Taco Time
Aid Station 1 had an incredible surprise! Tacos. Don and I became much happier, these were some gourmet tacos from the VHTRC’s amazing Jeff Best, and they were just incredible. I also had a coke and a Twizzler. I have really missed ultras.

Back To The Grind
It was really frustrating not to be able run hard on the downhills but I just wasn’t able to. Don’t really remember much of this stretch because I was trying really hard to keep moving until we got to aid station 2.

The second aid station was setup up in front of some really pretty flowers. John Hord and Charlene Howard loaded us up with all the junk food and it was awesome.

Even More Frustration!
This next section is a great spot to make up time but as you know I couldn’t really run. I was really hurting and started to get concerned about cutoffs. I talked to some runners and felt better that I was ahead but I had to try really hard just to stay ahead.

Don Channeling Tony
Throughout the race especially going into and out of aid station 3 I really think Don was channeling Tony and I was talking to both of them. I said a lot of things to Don that came up organically but also wish I could have told Tony. Don, like Tony doesn’t do any BS. I found myself telling him I love you but you’re a fucking asshole. In life those are your absolute best friends. They keep you accountable and care.

Got A Little Faster
Don got me angry and I started going faster after aid station 3 and we got to the next aid station fast. It wasn’t anything too exciting—just an unmanned water station.

Things Get Bad
The next set of climbs broke us. At one point I thought Don was going to take a swing at me! I was trying to get him to laugh but he was in a dark place and I definitely don’t blame him.

Important note I don’t normally use trekking poles I but because I’m injured I brought a set and they saved me not just on this section but on a few of the real steep climbs. I’d definitely bring them to this race I don’t even like poles but man did they come in handy! Also big shout out to my buddy Ben Nalette for not picking them up at Donald’s house because that’s why I had a pair! Ben, let me know when you need them back man! Been trying to get them to you but glad you didn’t want them so I could use them in this race!

We puttered into aid station 5 and were pretty deflated. We had to do another 5 before heading back to the finish. We had a total of 8 miles and we were in tough shape (at least I was). Don definitely had more energy but again he did me a solid staying with me. This section wasn’t as bad as the last but it was still rough.

The Return
We grabbed a couple food items and bailed. We had a mile to the unmanned water stop then 3 till the finish. We didn’t really get anything at the water stop and then we made the trek back. I was a mess. I tried my best to keep shuffling to the end but my hip was killing me.

I honestly don’t know how I locked in and kept moving I was lucky to have Don.

We got to the end and I was so out of it I just sat down and ate lots of food and got rest before the 1 hour drive to Gettysburg and the 2.5 hour drive back home to Culpeper.

This race was so much fun it was really hard but I’m very thankful to have finished! I wish I could be more descriptive like in other reports but wow, was I out of it and struggling!

Course reflection
This is a hard race and the only reason I finished is because of Don sticking with me. The closet race I can compare this to is Manitou’s Revenge. Some of the climbs on this one made the Waterfall climb at Massanutten look like nothing. I was pretty blown away. If you want to do a tough race definitely check this one out!

Conclusion
After Tony passed I did everything possible to avoid thinking about him. I didn’t know how to process something so terrible. I had to make some real big changes in my life to move forward and it was hard. I fully believe that such a sad situation was a catalyst forcing me to make hard changes in my life that I was scared to do before his tragic passing. It was brutally hard though and I had to hear some real shit from people who care about me not to look back in many aspects of my life that were flat out not good for me and to take care of myself.

I have no enemies in the running community. Are there some people that I probably am scared of or want to avoid as a result of everything? Sure, I’ve definitely been in self preservation mode but I hope in time things continue to get better. I’m not 100% but I loved seeing everyone out at Cowans so much and I hope to bring all the energy to other VHTRC events this year. I’m so happy to be back. When I say back also I use that term liberally. I’m not totally well. I tried to run yesterday, Tuesday the 28th of May, and all I could do is a mile. I’ve got a ways to go but I’m very happy to see my friends and be on the trail again.